All I really want in life.

When it all boils down to it. There are very few things I truly desire in life. Now before I go on, I must clarify. This is not to be a list of the items that fallow the statements “It would be wonderful to have that” or “It would be nice to live there”. Although those that list can be important when it comes to motivation, it is still a very secular view of how I tend to perceive success. Financial wealth is a luxury and a bi-product of hard work and dedication. I admire many of the people who were able to climb this ladder to the top because they were inspired to work hard in life. This is not what I value. Wealth in my eyes goes beyond the material standing. Wealth is not strictly what you gain, but also what you gave. When I say I have very few things I desire in life. This is the approach I have. I wish to leave my mark on this world. I wish to make a difference for the better. Allow me to elaborate.

Now I feel that the statement I made above “Wealth is not strictly what you gain, but also what you gave.” this has been said before. I cannot recall who but I dare not take credit. This statement however highlights what I believe it means to be truly successful in life. To succeed with how many lives you have touched. Another (perhaps butchered quote) comes to mind. It requires a bit of an anecdote, so bear with me.

There is a man who is sitting on a log with two children on his lap while a few others stand beside him. This man who we know nothing about is laughing and smiling as he seems to entertain the children all huddled around him. As you observe this pleasant sight, someone says “Now there’s a man who is truly wealthy”.

     I could have swore I read this somewhere but it is 2am and I wish to proceed with my thought rather than properly cite my sources. This small and insignificant seeming man makes an impact on those around him. This man is happy regardless of what happens or what has happened, he is happy to be a father figure to these young children. I feel a good father figure has some of the most incredible wealth imaginable. Bill Gate’s wealth (which I believe was above 52 billion, last I heard) cannot compare to the love and sacrifice a given by good parents. The greatest gift parents can give to their child is life. There is nothing more profound and meaningful than that. I don’t think I will ever deserve what my parents have given me. They have brought me into this world to experience everything. They raised me from birth to the point I left home. They gave everything and now ask for next to nothing. What am I supposed to do with that?

Life is an incredible gift. In a way, to give what you have been given can also be very powerful. That is why I wish to become a father. I have little faith that I will be perfect. The lord knows my parents weren’t perfect, but it was because of them I am here. I’m here to take on everything life has to offer because of them. The shit storms and the beauty. Now that I am a little older and I have experienced a fair amount, I think I’m starting to realize how amazing life can be. I have had some (mild) scarring experiences in my life and I have also met a someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. The fact that life has it’s drastically different contrasts does not taint life. It enhances life. Not to say have been through horrible times, nor am I saying have I escaped them, but things never look quite as good until after you’ve gone through some rough times. Somewhat like a loved one getting in an accident. With one phone call you’ve got your priorities figured out.

We are each only here for a very short time. We’re just one worm of existence in the 4th dimension. Or a point in the 5th. There is very little we can do to effect what happens on our planet, and even less in the universe. Wealth (for me) is not in what you wish to gain through the time you have, but rather, the time you can give. I want to be a dad.

For all those dad’s out there who inspire me: Destin Sandlin, Jon Schmidt, Steven Sharp Nelson, Paul Anderson, Al van der Beek, of course my father, and probably many others I am forgetting. Look out, I’m going to try and join the club.

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Martian

After a long and busy few months, I finally came to the end of Andy Weir’s incredible story; Martian. I loved that book so much. I have had several truly grabbing books in my life, but few are quite as cool as Martian. I am a lover and lifetime advocate of space travel. Astronomy fascinates me more than any other subject. What goes on beyond our pale blue dot will never cease to amaze me. Ever since I was a young boy, reading all the space books I could grab from the library, I have dreamed of space travel. Or at least involvement in the effort of space exploration. This book touched upon the dreams of my childhood in a way no other book has. The incredible intelligence seen in our beloved protagonist, Mark, his amazing ability to constantly think, innovate and make plans is nothing less than a lifelong dream for me. I wish I could be just like Mark in so many ways. Even to have his humor. No, especially to have his humor. There really is a certain charm to sarcasm when used correctly. Andy Weir did a truly wonderful job using this humor in such a pleasant and fitting way. I wonder how far my own thoughts would travel while being stranded alone on the red planet. Ignoring the emense amount of knowledge needed to survive, would I be clever enough to coin the phrase “space pirate”? I surely hope so.
Gosh I wish I was more clever. I should go to sleep now. I have homework that needs doing. … In the morning. … Or whenever.

Thoughts on my mind.

   So …. I have been trying to come up with a rough plan with my life. That alone is pretty weird for me. I mean, I’ve kinda just grown up taking life as it came at me. Now I’m trying to guide my life to a goal! It’s kind of weird knowing that you want something like this. The thought that makes you think if you don’t get it, than nothing else matters.
    Here’s kind of the deal. I need to save up. I need to stockpile money like I’ve never done before. I need scholarships, internships, jobs … Anything I can get. … I wish I could blert things out but this dream of mine requires some careful planning and …. Well … A little secrecy. If it all goes well, I’ll be both terrified and blissful.
    I’ve been thinking I should stay up here in Marquette for the summer. After all, my job isn’t horrible and it leaves room for other jobs and stuff. If I could get a couple more part time jobs, maybe a local internship, I’d be set. I could pay bills and save up! Of course, life always has its unexpected hurtles. How do you plan for those though. The only thing I think I should do is make a decent plan from the options I have, then stick with it. Take the path till it takes me. Sweep myself into my future. … Ok that’s enough climactic sentences that make little sense.
    Katrina’s (my darling’s) dad is coming down from Alaska this summer to grab more personal items for their new home way up there. (Actually it’s technically more west but whatever) I’m not sure who or even how many people would be interested in riding the 6 day drive up with him. I certainly I’m though. I would love a drive like that! I never (ok rarely) tire of driving. The idea of riding for so long and on the scenic routes to Alaska no less. It truly sounds incredible. There’s just one catch. (Aside from their might not being room) I would be spending 6 consecutive days in close proximity to my girlfriend’s father. …. Yeah. ….. Why do I want to do this? Well aside from the natural intimidation that comes with my position, I don’t feel all that uncomfortable with that. Let’s face it, I have been blessed with meeting, getting to know and falling in love with his little girl. If there’s anyone who can relate to the deep connections and feelings I have for Katrina, its him. I’m still uneasy when I’m in his presence but at the same time. I’ve done my best to maintain respectfulness, honorable intentions, a keen ear and all around gentlemanly behavior both not only while he’s present but also (and sometimes more importantly) outside his presence. Maybe I’m crazy but I’m thinking I might have done an ok job at that. He doesn’t seem to hate me and so …. I think that’s a step in the right direction. Right? .. I don’t know. Life is a box of pending f*** ups. Lol. Maybe I got that qoute wrong. I can’t help it. I’m an overly pessimistic fellow. I should have got some homework done instead of writing this post but eh … I wouldn’t have got much done. Not enough anyway.
    I think I’ll go to sleep now. Maybe I’ll have pleasant dreams of the future. Who knows what it holds.

    You know what happened after God made Saturn?
     He liked it so much, he put a ring on it.

    HA! Alright. I’ll sleep now.

Just a little catching up.

   I really need to stop using my blog as a journal. It makes it so boring when I do. I made this blog with good intentions of creative thought and constructive writing, but it’s only become a sort of dumping ground. Nothing more than a place for all the experiences, thoughts and happening that go on within my slightly complex life. I wish I could just write something clearly and concisely like I know some writers can. They write a short blog post every day that keeps everything up to date. I wanted to do that, I just get carried away! …. See look! … Nothing significant has been said yet. …. Gosh darn it. I’m starting over. Should I post this?….. Eh, sure.

A trip to Marquette

As a future student the wonderful Northern Michigan University, I drove up to Marquette with my two sisters for my orientation today. I have always loved the upper peninsula and so now that I know I’m coming to live up here, it’s super exciting. And yet, I have some pretty extreme mixed feelings. I will be (for the first time in my life) living away from home, people I know, places I know and most of my family. Sure I’ll have my sisters in their house only a few miles away from my dorm, but that can hardly make up for me moving away from so much. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about the whole ordeal actually. On one hand, I feel as though I’m finally taking the wheel for my own life. On the other hand, I’m saying goodbye to nearly everything I know. I feel reluctant but certain. Jackson is not the place for me right now. I think, if nothing else, Marquette might just instill that desire for home that seems to be rather … weak right now. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I love Marquette but I was born in Jackson. I don’t know where I will settle down when the time comes but Jackson will probably never leave the list of potential places.
While talking with my sisters on the way up here, they gave some very insightful advice. I would like to quote what they Caytie said word for word but I’m not confident I have it perfectly right.
There comes a time where we need to find ourselves, experience things, learn about what we love, learn about who we love and what we want in life.
I believe my time for that has come. Wish me luck

Why this blog exists

After much consideration and some minor coaxing from one who is very dear to me, I have decided to start my own blog. This was not something I planned to do, nor was it a spontanious decision. The thought of making a blog has always been present at the back of my mind. This thought was always encouraged by random desires to write, ramble, shed opinions and even vent about countless different subjects. Although I have never been one to keep a journal, I can’t tell you (you being the unlucky reader to have stumbled upon this site) how many times I have had an experience or strong opinion of something that I wished to have jotted down somewhere. There have been times where the desire to document something was so strong that I would pick up any random notebook and just start writing. Alas, this was not a good habit. For now, while I wish to read some of these sudden writings, my use of many notebooks has prevented me from finding all of them. This is yet another reason as to why I wish to have a blog. I consider it a public yet slightly anonymous journal where I myself will take more pleaser out of rereading than any passerby visiting the site.

I look forward to filling this site with more content in the near future. I have a few post ideas that I am looking forward to writing. Some of these ideas will come to explain the name of this site and why I chose it. Others will be nothing more than the fulfilment of a random desire to write.

Let’s see how this goes.