Looking forward.

    Have you ever had a desire for something amazing? Have you ever wished you could do something great? Have you ever had a feeling of being truly alive at the thought of pursuing a dream?
    I have always considered being a pilot to be one of the greatest honors in the world. I can remember being rather young and watching a small prop plane fly over our farm. I thought of of the person controlling that machine and stared with wonder at the skill involved. In my eyes a pilot deserves nothing less than admiration. Not only do pilots perform the art of controlling marvelous planes, but they have had to work hard in order to earn that right. I can say with a fair amount of confidence that all pilots, regardless of how well they perform flight, deserve admiration.
    I have always yearned to get my feet off the ground. The higher the cooler. That was the rule in my book I lived by. I have always loved anything that had to do with getting my feet off the ground. I climbed a lot. Trees, ropes, silos, roofs, barns, anything. I climbed everything my parents approved of and everything they didn’t. Sometimes I wonder why I’m not dead. Seeking the adrenaline I would occasionally climb to the lookout window at the peak of our loftless hey barn and hang by one hand off of the small platform mounted there. This was by no means impressive seeing as the height was only about 60′, but I think it helps make my point. I love heights.
    So what does this have to do with piloting? Well aside from the obvious relation of my love for heights and a plane’s purpose to climb heights, I honestly don’t know. I can not say for sure whether or not I would actually enjoy flying a plane. I myself have never ridden in a plane. I don’t even think I’ve ever touched a plane! I’m not scared of getting on a plane. I just never got the chance! Even an airline. I grew up in a family that never really travelled. This in some ways was a blessing and in other ways a sore spot for me. I’ve always been jealous of the people I knew who were flying somewhere. From my dad getting deployed in Spain for 6 months to my Grandparents making trips to Mexico. I have always just wished for an opportunity to flying somewhere. Even if it was just for the ride there and back. I’d give a lot to do just that. But here I am and the highest I have ever been was probably the Willis Tower in Chicago. (Not really accounting for sea level) That was pretty sweet by the way.
    So what am I going to do with these yearnings and dreams and wishes to do something great. I think I’m going to try to make some steps. Maybe take an intro flight soon. That would be awesome. However, I can’t be irrational here. I have to think look into this before I can truly know I need to do it. I’m pretty sensitive to criticism which makes me listen to the dream crushers of this world sometimes a bit too often. This could be problematic for the career.
    Frankly, I have had dreams. Dreams where my wish to achieve them made me feel alive. Dreams of something amazing and dreams of doing something great. But piloting has not yet consumed my dreams. I cannot be sure till I invest some real time with it. I want to be sure that what I love is right for me. I want to understand that what I am feeling is a true passion. Until then, I am not ready. For now, I think I’ll pass on watching the new Captain America.


“Why thank you!”

    You know, I got to thinking the just now. What is easier when hungry, turning down or excepting food from a stranger? At first my thought was “well of course less food is harder than more, so turning down is harder”. Then I got thinking and I realized something. Why is it, when I’m not feeling great or just not wishing to be social, do I always turn down food? Why, when someone offers me a cookie or candy, do I politely decline? This led me to wonder whether or not declining is easier. If I’m not in the mood for something, I don’t put an effort towards that. Regardless of my hunger, I will almost always refuse food while I’m stooping in a sour mood.
    Of course every circumstance is different. It might not be a matter of choosing a lazy path, it could just be stubbornness. But what about the times where you’re not in a bad mood and you still don’t welcome an offered morsel? There are still those times where you, despite being hungry, you just don’t want to get into that. But why though? Why can’t people just take the darn breakfasts bar?

All I really want in life.

When it all boils down to it. There are very few things I truly desire in life. Now before I go on, I must clarify. This is not to be a list of the items that fallow the statements “It would be wonderful to have that” or “It would be nice to live there”. Although those that list can be important when it comes to motivation, it is still a very secular view of how I tend to perceive success. Financial wealth is a luxury and a bi-product of hard work and dedication. I admire many of the people who were able to climb this ladder to the top because they were inspired to work hard in life. This is not what I value. Wealth in my eyes goes beyond the material standing. Wealth is not strictly what you gain, but also what you gave. When I say I have very few things I desire in life. This is the approach I have. I wish to leave my mark on this world. I wish to make a difference for the better. Allow me to elaborate.

Now I feel that the statement I made above “Wealth is not strictly what you gain, but also what you gave.” this has been said before. I cannot recall who but I dare not take credit. This statement however highlights what I believe it means to be truly successful in life. To succeed with how many lives you have touched. Another (perhaps butchered quote) comes to mind. It requires a bit of an anecdote, so bear with me.

There is a man who is sitting on a log with two children on his lap while a few others stand beside him. This man who we know nothing about is laughing and smiling as he seems to entertain the children all huddled around him. As you observe this pleasant sight, someone says “Now there’s a man who is truly wealthy”.

     I could have swore I read this somewhere but it is 2am and I wish to proceed with my thought rather than properly cite my sources. This small and insignificant seeming man makes an impact on those around him. This man is happy regardless of what happens or what has happened, he is happy to be a father figure to these young children. I feel a good father figure has some of the most incredible wealth imaginable. Bill Gate’s wealth (which I believe was above 52 billion, last I heard) cannot compare to the love and sacrifice a given by good parents. The greatest gift parents can give to their child is life. There is nothing more profound and meaningful than that. I don’t think I will ever deserve what my parents have given me. They have brought me into this world to experience everything. They raised me from birth to the point I left home. They gave everything and now ask for next to nothing. What am I supposed to do with that?

Life is an incredible gift. In a way, to give what you have been given can also be very powerful. That is why I wish to become a father. I have little faith that I will be perfect. The lord knows my parents weren’t perfect, but it was because of them I am here. I’m here to take on everything life has to offer because of them. The shit storms and the beauty. Now that I am a little older and I have experienced a fair amount, I think I’m starting to realize how amazing life can be. I have had some (mild) scarring experiences in my life and I have also met a someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. The fact that life has it’s drastically different contrasts does not taint life. It enhances life. Not to say have been through horrible times, nor am I saying have I escaped them, but things never look quite as good until after you’ve gone through some rough times. Somewhat like a loved one getting in an accident. With one phone call you’ve got your priorities figured out.

We are each only here for a very short time. We’re just one worm of existence in the 4th dimension. Or a point in the 5th. There is very little we can do to effect what happens on our planet, and even less in the universe. Wealth (for me) is not in what you wish to gain through the time you have, but rather, the time you can give. I want to be a dad.

For all those dad’s out there who inspire me: Destin Sandlin, Jon Schmidt, Steven Sharp Nelson, Paul Anderson, Al van der Beek, of course my father, and probably many others I am forgetting. Look out, I’m going to try and join the club.


After a long and busy few months, I finally came to the end of Andy Weir’s incredible story; Martian. I loved that book so much. I have had several truly grabbing books in my life, but few are quite as cool as Martian. I am a lover and lifetime advocate of space travel. Astronomy fascinates me more than any other subject. What goes on beyond our pale blue dot will never cease to amaze me. Ever since I was a young boy, reading all the space books I could grab from the library, I have dreamed of space travel. Or at least involvement in the effort of space exploration. This book touched upon the dreams of my childhood in a way no other book has. The incredible intelligence seen in our beloved protagonist, Mark, his amazing ability to constantly think, innovate and make plans is nothing less than a lifelong dream for me. I wish I could be just like Mark in so many ways. Even to have his humor. No, especially to have his humor. There really is a certain charm to sarcasm when used correctly. Andy Weir did a truly wonderful job using this humor in such a pleasant and fitting way. I wonder how far my own thoughts would travel while being stranded alone on the red planet. Ignoring the emense amount of knowledge needed to survive, would I be clever enough to coin the phrase “space pirate”? I surely hope so.
Gosh I wish I was more clever. I should go to sleep now. I have homework that needs doing. … In the morning. … Or whenever.

Thoughts on my mind.

   So …. I have been trying to come up with a rough plan with my life. That alone is pretty weird for me. I mean, I’ve kinda just grown up taking life as it came at me. Now I’m trying to guide my life to a goal! It’s kind of weird knowing that you want something like this. The thought that makes you think if you don’t get it, than nothing else matters.
    Here’s kind of the deal. I need to save up. I need to stockpile money like I’ve never done before. I need scholarships, internships, jobs … Anything I can get. … I wish I could blert things out but this dream of mine requires some careful planning and …. Well … A little secrecy. If it all goes well, I’ll be both terrified and blissful.
    I’ve been thinking I should stay up here in Marquette for the summer. After all, my job isn’t horrible and it leaves room for other jobs and stuff. If I could get a couple more part time jobs, maybe a local internship, I’d be set. I could pay bills and save up! Of course, life always has its unexpected hurtles. How do you plan for those though. The only thing I think I should do is make a decent plan from the options I have, then stick with it. Take the path till it takes me. Sweep myself into my future. … Ok that’s enough climactic sentences that make little sense.
    Katrina’s (my darling’s) dad is coming down from Alaska this summer to grab more personal items for their new home way up there. (Actually it’s technically more west but whatever) I’m not sure who or even how many people would be interested in riding the 6 day drive up with him. I certainly I’m though. I would love a drive like that! I never (ok rarely) tire of driving. The idea of riding for so long and on the scenic routes to Alaska no less. It truly sounds incredible. There’s just one catch. (Aside from their might not being room) I would be spending 6 consecutive days in close proximity to my girlfriend’s father. …. Yeah. ….. Why do I want to do this? Well aside from the natural intimidation that comes with my position, I don’t feel all that uncomfortable with that. Let’s face it, I have been blessed with meeting, getting to know and falling in love with his little girl. If there’s anyone who can relate to the deep connections and feelings I have for Katrina, its him. I’m still uneasy when I’m in his presence but at the same time. I’ve done my best to maintain respectfulness, honorable intentions, a keen ear and all around gentlemanly behavior both not only while he’s present but also (and sometimes more importantly) outside his presence. Maybe I’m crazy but I’m thinking I might have done an ok job at that. He doesn’t seem to hate me and so …. I think that’s a step in the right direction. Right? .. I don’t know. Life is a box of pending f*** ups. Lol. Maybe I got that qoute wrong. I can’t help it. I’m an overly pessimistic fellow. I should have got some homework done instead of writing this post but eh … I wouldn’t have got much done. Not enough anyway.
    I think I’ll go to sleep now. Maybe I’ll have pleasant dreams of the future. Who knows what it holds.

    You know what happened after God made Saturn?
     He liked it so much, he put a ring on it.

    HA! Alright. I’ll sleep now.

Likely an ignorant thought.

Ok. So I read this Quora question today that really sparked my interest. The question is this: “Is this the first universe or have there been previous ones?”.
  First of all, compliments to the person with the extreme shower thought. What a way to get my mind whirling.
  As a Catholic, it is hard for me to adapt where my beliefs are tied to modern theorys. However, I’m not one who likes jumping to the word “no” when ideas don’t match my current understanding. Everything can and should be analyzed. An idea is neither false nor true till it is proven. Of course, how you interpret proofs can lead to entirely different  beliefs, but that’s not where I’m attempting to take this discussion. This is not a discussion about the ruling. This is a discussion about the data.
What I know:
”  God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.  ”
What I also know:
Scientists and I would guess most of the population believe in the Big Bang. The spontanious explosion that catapulted life into existence around 13.7 billion years ago.
Now when I was younger and more innocent, I wanted to try and tie the two seemingly apposing sides together. On one side was mine and my families and more than half of the world’s beliefs, (I shouldn’t speculate that much. I honestly don’t know how much of the population is Christian) on the other side is the beliefs stands scientific research with fascinating and intriguing discoveries. For easier writing, I’ll refer to the two sides as Religion and Science. Do not misunderstand this as an argument between the two, this just for my own clarification. The population seems to have a clearly set line that identified which side an idea is on.
Intelligent Design, Religion.
Big Bang, Science.
Evolution, Science.
Eternal Life, Religion.
The “opposite” arguments go on and on. Because I was never content with scoffing an “opposite” belief I would hold onto it till it till I could digest it a little and try to figure out if the ideas weren’t so opposite.
  So anyway, when I was young I began to connect the Big Bang with the first light my faith speaks of. In other words, God said “Let there be light.” and then BOOM!! There was light. Not the deepest or best conclusion, but it connected some things I loved pretty well.
Now I’m a bit older. That theory holds a little bit has quite a few holes in it. The most prominent in my mind are:
1. The age of our universe.
2. The age of our sun and planet.
3. The age of civilization.
4. Adam and Eve.
5. And that God did it all in a week. (Well, 6 days actually)
There are a few others but these really grate on my theory. I suppose I’ll just need to write off my fifth objection as God’s view on time. I mean, we all know that God is not bound by time. He has neither a beginning nor an end. So who says a week for him couldn’t be a few hundred million years? It’s not much but it’s enough to shrug off that objection.  I’ll skip Adam and Eve as well as the age of civilization for the sake of this not being an evolution argument. This is a discussion of the beginning. This post is getting too long anyway.
   In Science, the age of our sun is certainly younger than our universe and the age of our planet younger still. In fact, nearly every day in my theory would be getting drastically smaller as God’s creation week progressed. I know us humans are special and all but I think the time it takes the universe to be made would be quite a bit longer.
   Perhaps it isn’t a matter of how long it took but rather at what point this all really began. (That could be a joke about this post) Maybe I’m looking at this way wrong. After all, the church ruled out the Earth as being the center of the universe years ago. Why haven’t I? Nobody said the first light was the Big Bang. (Well yeah, they did, but ignore that point) Of course he meant the sun! So in that case, I should probably take “In the beginning” in a little bit more of a subjective view than I have. The subject being us and not the universe. Perhaps the beginning was simply about our planet? Why couldn’t it be?
……….. I need to ponder this. ……………
Oh crap! I need to leave work!