So, I think I’ve figured it out. According to my miniscule amount of research, I might be dealing with a form of depression.
“What?” I thought to myself. “This is crazy. Who am I to start labeling my issues as an actual disorder?” I think you’d be right in saying that. I honestly don’t have any right to diagnose myself with a real issue that has destroyed lives. What could I, just a poor college student, have in common with someone actually struggling with depression? This time in my life is so short and silly when you think about it. I have a lot of stuff to be grateful for. I’m sure many would say to me “you haven’t seen how bad life can get.” and I would have to agree with them. Who am I to put myself at a level of those who I’m sure would give a lot to be in my shoes. I feel guilty and compelled to express a deeper respect for those less fortunate than myself. I need to stop complaining.
However, dispute the fact that I hate saying I’m having an issue with depression. I have no better definition to apply to what I’m experiencing. I have been feeling down to the point where I can’t focus very easily, I struggle with simple conversation, (Haha, yes I’m an introvert but I mean more than usual) music doesn’t effect me as much, smiling feels pretty hard and awkward and …. well …. the last thing that really has been bothering me is uh ….. well ……… I’ve been having a strong desire to uh ….. cry. This is completely weird. I’m sorry. It’s just that I would get thinking and seemingly every negative thought would come rushing to my head in a big storm of unpleasantness. Like what the heck? Why does the future seem so hopeless? Of course it isn’t! Why are you worried about that? It’ll be over in one month! Just every idea has ether a sad memory or a pessimistic ruling on it.
Ok. So you get the idea. I think I get the idea too. Yes it’s a minor form of depression. Yes it’s proving to be a problem but it is something I can take care of. I’ll snap out of it soon. I’ll just need adjust my schedule a bit to accommodate more reading time, bike rides and other relaxing things. Wish me luck.